Potty Training Failure {Potty Training at The First Years}

Image by Wu's Photo Land

Hi, my name is Erin. I'm a humbled homemaker...and I've failed at potty training my child.

No, really--I have...or least that's how I've felt over the past few years.

You see, my 4-year-old little girl still has frequent pee pee accidents. 

For us, potty training has been a...battle. First of all, I think we started too early. Oh, she showed some signs of readiness, but we started right around the time she turned two--because "everyone else was doing it." 

(Didn't my mama tell me not to jump off a bridge just because all my friends were as well?)

Image by Michael Bentle

At the time, I was in my 3rd trimester of pregnancy with my second daughter. We made some progress during those short months before her birth. 

But once she came...Little Girl regressed--big time. In fact, it was as if we had never started. 

Oh, we tried to keep at it. My husband and I tried it all (or so we thought): stickers, chocolate, the 3-Day Method (although I don't think I was as consistent or vigilant with it as this method requires), begging, bribing....You name it!

Image by abbybatchelder

And nothing seemed to work. You see, Little Girl is a fireball. Her will is iron-clad. (I'm praying that God will mold that will into His will for her life...and her fiery personality will burn bright for the Lord one day!)

Basically, she knew this was one area that she has absolute control over. And there wasn't anything Mommy and Daddy could do to make her go. 

To top things off, Little Girl is highly sensitive to gluten, eggs and dairy. These foods wreak havoc on her digestive system. Now, I thought something was wrong...but her former pediatrician assured me that undigested food and chronic diarrhea can be "normal." 

The constant accidents on the floor were grueling. My husband and I said we should buy stock in carpet cleaner. 

Image by abbybatchelder

But when we discovered her food issues (with a new pediatrician) soon after she turned 3, the poop accidents stopped. 

But Little Girl turned 4 two weeks ago...and she still has frequent urine accidents. We have an appointment with an urologist in a few weeks--just to rule out any obstructions in her system that may be affecting this. 

So if I've had such a hard time potty training my daughter, why in the world did I host this series? Well, you may have noticed that nearly all of the series was guest posts. 

Image by din!

I named my blog The Humbled Homemaker because I've been truly humbleD in so many ways. 

Potty training is no exception. 

And I wanted to learn. I wanted us to learn together--as a community. Because I'm not an expert. I'm not perfect. And so many times--whether intentionally or not--I think we bloggers come across as know-it-alls. 

Image by AD-Passion

I'm here to tell you: I'm about as imperfect as it gets. Really. 

And I've felt alone in this potty training journey. Could it be that I'm the only mother who's had such a difficult time? Could there be others like me? Other children like mine--who refuse or just don't "get" it until much later than the rest?

Yes! I'm here to tell you, yes! If you've had trouble potty training your children, you're not alone. 

Image by  SashaW

It's time we mothers put aside all pretensions and pride and tell it like it is: Motherhood is humbling, but it's through things like potty training that God sanctifies us and makes us realize that even in the "dirty" work, we must daily rely on Him alone. 

Have you ever felt like a failure as a mother? Are there any other potty training "failures" out there?

Come back next Friday for a review and giveaway of  a Grovia cloth trainer from Sew Crafty Baby!

Don't miss a post in this series!

• Infant Potty Training 

• Potty Training Readiness Signs
• Tossing Aside the Pull-Ups and Pulling Out the Undies
• Potty Training a Strong-Willed Child 
• The 3-Day Method, Part 1 
• The 3-Day Method, Part 2  
• Potty Training a Child with Food Sensitivities 
• Potty Training Regression 
• Grace While Potty Training 

Got a bedwetter on your hands? One of my amazing sponsors, Trilight Health, has a bedwetting formula!

I'm linking up with: The Better Mom, The Prairie Homestead, Far Above Rubies, Growing Home, Deep Roots at Home, Time-Warp Wife, Raising Homemakers, Women Living Well

 

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Grace While Potty Training {Potty Training at The First Years}

Image by  Michael Bentley

Guest Post by Alina Joy of Good Old Days Farm

A few weeks ago, I told you about what a great experience I had using Infant Potty Training to toilet train my first child.  When I discovered that I was pregnant with my second child, I was pretty sure that I had this whole toilet training thing down pat.  

I would go out in public and see 2, 3 and 4 year olds still wearing diapers and pull-ups. Knowingly, I would look down at my fully toilet trained 18 month old and smile, thinking to myself, "if only they had put their child over the toilet as a baby the way I did--they wouldn't still be changing a toddler's diapers now."  

Oh yes, I had it all figured out. I just knew that Infant Potty Training is the way to go and I would never potty train any other way...

And then our second baby arrived.

Image by Wu's Photo Land

I began Infant Potty Training with him the day after he was born by holding him over a small bowl when it was time to go potty. I wanted to be diligent about it, but the fact was that I had a two year old who needed my attention almost as much as the new baby. 

I couldn't be in two places at the same time and often I would miss the baby's physical cues that he needed to go potty. As he grew older, this baby also developed health issues. This put me under a lot of emotional strain and I was more focused on keeping him healthy than on catching his potty.  

The day he turned 18 months old (which was the age I had finished potty training his sister) he was nowhere near being potty trained! I realized I would need a new method to potty train this little guy!  

Image by Manish Bansal

And so I did something I thought "good parents" never do...I bribed him. I told him, "If you go potty in the toilet, Mama will give you a carob chip!" (Carob chips are similar to chocolate chips, but are healthier. You could substitute any other little treat your child likes.)  Our son responded really well to this method!  

Sometimes we wouldn't even see him go into the bathroom, but we would see him come out with his pants still half-way down, run through the living room to the kitchen and stand in front of the fridge, expectantly holding his hand out, waiting for someone to notice him and give him his little treat!  

It wasn't too long until the treats became fewer and farther in between and eventually stopped completely.

I feel compelled to tell you that we also have a third child. By the time he was born I had three children ages 4 and under. When I was pregnant, I somehow got the idea that infant potty training this baby would be a breeze, since my older children were no longer infants and were becoming more and more independent.  

Image by abbybatchelder

Again, I set the expectation on myself that this child should be fully potty trained by 18 months old.  This child is 3 years old now and he is fully potty trained, although he was not potty trained by 18 months! In fact, of all my babies, he was the most resistant to using the potty.  

For a long time I thought he simply didn't understand what he was supposed to do on his potty chair. A friend was giving away their potty, so we made a big deal about bringing it home as a special gift for him. He sat down on it and said, "psssssssss!"  Ah ha!  so he did know what he was supposed to do!  

Finally, his older sister potty trained him by lining up some toy potties up in the bathroom, setting the dolls on the potties, putting her brother on his potty and telling them, "Now you all go potty!"  Potty Parties!

Image by oksidor

Moms and Dads, parenting is a season of life that requires grace.  We need grace from God, grace from others and, most of all, grace from ourselves! 

Children develop at different rates and what worked with one child may not work with another.  

Circumstances and seasons of life change. What you were able to manage with one child may not be reasonable with another simply because of a change in circumstance.  

Please don't compare yourself and your child with friends, relatives and what you read in magazines and online.  

As my story demonstrates, even the moms who might seem to have it all together with one child, may not be quite so pulled together with the next!  Yet somehow we all manage to have our children potty-trained before they start school!

Do you have a potty-training story to share that worked really well for you?

Alina Joy Dubois writes the Good Old Days Farm Blog which is the story of what happens when a software engineer (her husband!) comes home one night and out of the blue says, “I wanna be a farmer!” then actually quits his career and takes up farming! You can follow her family’s adventures in homesteading, vegan & gluten-free cooking and nature study at www.GoodOldDaysFarm.com.

Don't miss a post in this series!

• Infant Potty Training 

• Potty Training Readiness Signs
• Tossing Aside the Pull-Ups and Pulling Out the Undies
• Potty Training a Strong-Willed Child 
• The 3-Day Method, Part 1 
• The 3-Day Method, Part 2  
• Potty Training a Child with Food Sensitivities 
• Potty Training Regression

Come back tomorrow for "Potty Training Failure" and visit here next Friday for an exciting review and giveaway of a cloth diaper trainer from Sew Crafty Baby!

I'm linking up with: The Better Mom, The Prairie Homestead, Far Above Rubies, Growing Home, Deep Roots at Home, Time-Warp Wife, Raising Homemakers, Women Living Well

 

Works for Me Wednesday 

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4 Reasons for Potty Training Regression {Potty Training at The First Years}

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Has your child potty trained...and then suddenly regressed? 

I've been there--and done that--more than once!

There may just be some valid reasons for your child's potty training regressions. Check out these 4:

1. New Sibling. As I mentioned in last week's post, I started potty training my oldest daughter when she turned 2--despite her not being quite ready. It was a huge mistake. Her world was just a few months away from drastically changing with the birth of her first baby sister. Guess what happened when baby came? She regressed. 

2. A Major Life Change. The sibling addition is in this category, but I felt it deserved a number all of its own! Is your family moving? Has daddy changed jobs and isn't home as much? Is mommy working now? Has their been a recent illness in the family? Take all of these into account if your child suddenly experiments potty training regression. 

3. Biological Reasons. I have recently discovered that constipation and other disruptions in the digestive system can cause urination regression. This article, written by an urologist, talks about how children who potty train before they are truly ready often have regressions because of small bladders that didn't have time to fully grow. 


4. Falls. My chiropractor recently said that parents often dismiss these "accidents" as behavioral in nature, and they assume it is normal. However, she questions whether the child has had a recent fall or physical trauma:

"When the sacrum (a bone that forms the back side of the pelvis) shifts from a trauma or fall, it can cause these potty training regressions in children," she says.

"The nerve pathways that tell the brain that the bladder or bowels need to be emptied are newly formed in recently potty trained children. They are not yet deeply ingrained from years of use. For this reason, if the nerve communication is slightly disturbed by spinal misalignment in the area of the nerves, the pathway weakens or fails. The child’s brain no longer gets good forewarning that he 'has to go.' Once we realign the sacrum and remove pressure from the nerves, the accidents disappear as quickly as they started." ~Dr. Nicole Whitehead, Advanced Spinal Fitness

Did your child ever have a potty training regression? Were you able to determine the cause?

*Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional. If you have concerns about your child's digestive system, discuss these concerns with your trusted medical professional.

Don't miss a post in this series!

• Infant Potty Training 

• Potty Training Readiness Signs
• Tossing Aside the Pull-Ups and Pulling Out the Undies
• Potty Training a Strong-Willed Child 
• The 3-Day Method, Part 1 
• The 3-Day Method, Part 2  
• Potty Training a Child with Food Sensitivities 
• Potty Training Regression

I'm so excited about the other upcoming posts in this series, including:

• Potty Training "Failure"
• Grace for Potty Training
• A Cloth Training Pants giveaway from Sew Crafty Baby 

  

Subscribe below and don't miss a post!

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Potty Training a Child with Food Sensitivities {The First Years: Potty Training}

TMI Alert: In this post, I talk about poop. I do not want to gross anyone out--especially those who do not have children--so you may not want to read this unless you DO have children of potty training age. I am writing this to help inform other parents of what I wish I had known the first 3 years of my daughter's life. 

About a year ago, we started our oldest daughter on an elimination diet. Three months later, a blood test helped confirm what the elimination diet had indicated--she has several major food sensitivities. 

Specifically, she is highly sensitive to wheat/rye/barley (basically anything with gluten), eggs and dairy. 

Whereas some children with these sensitivities or allergies (we do not yet know if they are true allergies--and we have hopes she will grow out of them!), exhibit mainly skin reactions like eczema, our daughter's symptoms were all in her digestive system and behavior. 

From birth, she did not digest her food. She had very explosive newborn diapers, where I would have to change her clothes several times per day (and I didn't have to do this with my second daughter). She basically had chronic diarrhea. 


When I mentioned this to her pediatrician at her 2-year checkup, she brushed it off with the fact that she was still young, and all was probably well. 


All was NOT well. 

But we started potty training anyway. I was expecting our second child, and it seemed like all I heard from people was either: 


1) "You don't want two in diapers! You better get her trained before the baby comes!" 

2) "I trained my child as soon as he/she turned 2."

I now know better--much better--and I wish I hadn't listened to these well-meaning people. 

I should have waited to start training my child until her digestive system was normal. 

Because it wasn't, my husband and I went through a year of cleaning up diarrhea accidents from the floor nearly every single day. I am not exaggerating here. I cannot begin to describe our frustration. We went through bottle after bottle of carpet cleaner (and hired professional cleaners to come out several times). 

We were upset with ourselves--and we were upset with her because we didn't know that she wasn't pooping on the floor on purpose. I had left her without a diaper on, and she truly could not make it to the bathroom. 

When we modified her diet and took out the food irritants a few months after she turned 3, our daughter was--for the most part--poop potty trained. 

Now pee trained? That's a different story for a different post.  

Although, if your child has been potty trained for some time and suddenly starts having a lot of urine accidents coupled with constipation, do not discount it as merely behavior. 

This has actually been happening with our daughter since we all had the norovirus in April. A friend sent me this article that talks about how constipation in children can result in urine accidents. It happened to her son--who is also highly sensitive to the same foods as my daughter. 

Although many children with food sensitivities will have the main symptom of diarrhea, constipation is also a symptom. My daughter got into a package of non-gluten-free saltine crackers when we were all sick. The next few weeks she started wetting her pants multiple times a day and was constipated. 

We are still somewhat dealing with this issue, and we are actually hoping to get her in with an urologist sometime next week to confirm whether or not the wetting is a new habit OR if there is something else still messed up in her little system.


In another post, I will talk about how she was not really emotionally ready to be trained at 2 as well. (Whoever said right before a new baby comes is the time to train was SO wrong! Most children regress when a big life change happens!)

I will end this post with this: If your child has either chronic diarrhea or constipation, now is not the time to jump into potty training. No child should suffer either. These are not normal digestion patterns. If your doctor shrugs off your child's digestive issues, get a second opinion from another doctor. 

I found this chart very helpful in evaluating my daughter's digestion. 

And when we finally found out we were not crazy and something was indeed wrong, it was a relief...because there was something we could do about it. 

Trouble with bedwetting? Try Trilight's bedwetting formula. 


*Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional. If you have concerns about your child's digestive system, discuss these concerns with your trusted medical professional.

Don't miss a post in this series!

• Infant Potty Training 

• Potty Training Readiness Signs
• Tossing Aside the Pull-Ups and Pulling Out the Undies
• Potty Training a Strong-Willed Child 
• The 3-Day Method, Part 1 
• The 3-Day Method, Part 2 

I'm so excited about the other upcoming posts in this series, including:

• Potty Training Regression
• Potty Training "Failure"
• Grace for Potty Training
• A Cloth Training Pants giveaway from Sew Crafty Baby 

 Subscribe below and don't miss a post!

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3-Day Potty Training My Way, Part 2 {Guest Post at The First Years: Potty Training}

Today we continue our potty training mini series as part of our ongoing "The First Years" series that is covering the most precious little years! I'm delighted to have Anne from Quick & Easy, Cheap & Healthy guest posting today again! Please pay her blog a visit! 

 Guest Post by Anne of Quick & Easy, Cheap & Healthy

Yesterday, in part 1 of "3-Day Potty Training My Way," Anne gave us a look at pre-training. Today, she tells us how the 3-Day Method results in a potty trained child!

Training –  Three Intensive Days
Once your child begins to show all the signs of potty-training readiness, then you can clear a spot on your calendar for 3 intensive days of real potty training.
 
And I really mean you need to clear your calendar. Choose three days where you have no obligations, or you can cancel any obligations you do have (for many people, a long weekend is ideal). If you have other children, find babysitters for them if you can, or plan to occupy them with TV for most of the day. Make meals ahead of time for those 3 days or budget money for eating out. It’s time to get serious!

 
According to what I have heard, the original 3-Day method requires that you let your child run around the house buck naked. Um, not happening in my house. I dressed mine in a t-shirt and undies so that he could have easy access to do his business. You can do either one of those, but whatever you do, avoid the pull-ups at all costs. 

Here’s how the Three Intensive Days pan out:
When your child wakes up, take off their diaper and clean them up. Make a big deal about how that was the last diaper they will have to wear for the next three days (except at night, of course), and instead, they’re going to be wearing big kid undies. 

1. Explain in simple terms your expectations for the day and how it’s going to work.
2. Show your child the bathroom and their own personal potty. Review how it is used, and give them a practice run to start off the day.Make sure it’s very clear that this is the only place where pee-pee and poo-poo happen! 
3. Prepare yourself. Because pee-pee is definitely going to happen, and it’s probably not going to be in the bathroom for the first day. Arm yourself with all the appropriate cleaning materials and get ready for battle. 
4. Gather your child’s favorite toys in a location near the bathroom, and let the day proceed as usual. Every 30 minutes, call your child into the bathroom and have them sit there for a little while. Read some books, sing some songs, talk about bodily functions. (Yes. Again.) Remind them that this is the perfect time and place to go potty if they need to, but don’t pressure them. 

If they do go potty in the toilet, make a HUGE deal about it. Jump up and down, sing and dance, reward them with candy or stickers. Make sure they understand how awesome it is that they are learning to pee in the right place.

Periodically ask your child if they feel like they need to go. Remind them they can go use the potty any time they think they should.
 

Stay close so that if your child starts to pee outside of the bathroom, you can catch it right away, and lead them quickly into the potty to finish the process. (Don’t forget to clean up the mess!) Don’t berate them for pee-ing in the wrong place; simply remind them of the proper procedure and give them plenty of opportunity to finish the job. Once again, if anything makes it into the toilet, make a HUGE deal about it! 


Keep doing this for 3 days. On the first day, my son peed in the actual potty about 20% of the time. The rest was in the living room. By the third day, this ratio was flipped, and he was peeing in the potty 80% of the time, and catching himself if he started to pee elsewhere. 

 
Cut yourself – and your kid – some slack. Realize that these three days are not the end of the world. Commit to the three days, but only the three days. If your child is just not getting it by the third day, then you’ve lost nothing but three days of your life. Resume diapering, and try again in 3-6 months (but keep up the pre-training!).
 
Follow Up
If your child seems to be catching on to the whole pee-in-the-potty concept after the three days, then you are ready to move on to Phase 3: Follow Up.
 

You’ve already accomplished so much! Your baby has now learned to recognize the signals that his body needs to relieve itself, and knows what to do about it. What needs to happen now is consistency. Don’t let baby fall off the wagon!
 
Continue giving your child opportunities to go potty whenever you have the chance. Every 30 minutes is great, but if you can’t do that, as often as you can. Constantly ask your child if they feel a need to go, and encourage them to use the potty if they think they should.
 
Now, when your child has an accident, your approach should be a little different than it was during the intensive 3-Day phase. Don’t get angry with them, but do remind them that they know what to do now, and you expect them to follow through. 

It’s helpful to establish some sort of reward/consequence system. My son was very partial to gummy bears and looked forward to getting one every time he peed in the potty. If he started out peeing anywhere other than the potty, he lost his gummy bear.
 
After the 3 days, you’re going to have to bring your child out in public at some point. Make sure you give your child every opportunity to go potty before you leave the house, while you’re out, and when you come home. You probably won’t want to deal with cleaning up messes in the car seat or grocery cart, so consider some underwear with waterproof lining, or cloth potty trainers. One friend of mine would put cloth diapers underneath a pull-up, so that the feeling of the underwear was still there (and so was the uncomfortable-ness in the event of an accident), but the mess was minimal.
 
For the next month or so after the three days of intensive training, expect accidents to occur on occasion. Depending on the age and maturity (and physical ability) of your child, it might take even longer. But as long as the general trend is one of progress, keep on trucking and continue to be consistent. For most children, accidents are rare after the first week or so of training.

 
An extension of Follow Up – a fourth phase, if you will – would be night-time or sleep-time training. This usually happens a while after day-time training and totally depends on your child’s readiness. Initially, you’ll want to keep your child in diapers whenever he or she is sleeping. When you notice that those diapers are dry more often than not, for several days or weeks in a row, then give diapers a try. 

Don’t worry if it doesn’t happen as soon as you think it should: boys, in particular, can take years to develop the physical ability to hold their pee in their sleep.
 
Like I said, I am no expert in this field. What I do know for sure is this: following this method, my son was completely potty-trained within a month of his second birthday, and was completely nighttime-trained within 6 months after that. 

We are currently in the Pre-Training phase with my 16-month-old son, and I’m proud to report that he peed in the actual potty for the first time just the other day! He’s not ready for the intensive 3-Day session yet, but I am confident he will get there, and will be just as successful as his older brother.  I highly recommend this method of potty-training to everyone!

Anne is the wife to a wonderful, caring husband and mommy to two wildly-tender little boys. She loves all things Jesus, music, natural, nutritional and chocolate. And coffee. She loves coffee. She was born smack dab in the middle of 10 children and loves being able to stand out amongst the big crowd with her corner of the blogosphere, Quick and Easy, Cheap and Healthy, where she blogs about how to make healthy food without losing money, time, energy… or your sanity. You can also follow her on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest.

Don't miss a post in this series!

• Infant Potty Training 

• Potty Training Readiness Signs
• Tossing Aside the Pull-Ups and Pulling Out the Undies
• Potty Training a Strong-Willed Child 
• The 3-Day Method, Part 1 

I'm so excited about the other upcoming posts in this series, including:

• Potty Training a Child with Food Allergies
• Potty Training Regression
• Potty Training "Failure"
• Grace for Potty Training
• A Cloth Training Pants giveaway from Sew Crafty Baby 
• and more! 

 Subscribe below and don't miss a post!

 

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