Homemade Homemaking: Homemade Italian Dressing

Letters of Legacy

My favorite stories to write are about people. I've always said real life is better than fiction, and the following story proves just that. I've been privileged to write hundreds of stories about some pretty amazing people over the past few years. This one stands out among them all. 

You see, before I had the honor of interviewing Kelly Kemp and writing a snapshot of her story in February 2010, I gave little thought to Memorial Day. Sure, both of my grandfathers had served in Korea and fought in World War II, and my great-grandfather fought in World War I. But they all survived, they all came home. Life went on and wartime faded. 

Kelly Kemp's father did not. I wrote "Letters of Legacy" during the wee hours of the morning early in my pregnancy with my second daughter. And I felt a connection to and respect for this young man who sacrificed his life for the freedom I've always known. 

But Kenneth Prejean's story didn't end in Vietnam. His testimony stills speaks volumes to those who hear it. And I hope this short re-telling will speak to you this Memorial Day. 

"Letters of Legacy"

Kelly Kemp sits with memorabilia from her father's time in Vietnam.

Before leaving for Vietnam in Jan. 1969, PFC Kenneth A. Prejean wrote to his bride, "To my lovely Princess, please do not read this unless I do not return."

Less than four months later, a taxi driver delivered Janey Witt-Perez a telegram with the worst news of her life. On May 1--the day of their one-year anniversary--her beloved husband was killed in battle. He was only 22. 

Life for Witt-Perez would never be the same, and her newborn daughter would know very little about her daddy for almost 41 years. 

The sound of loss

“Right now, you are too young to use your voice to do anything but cry. But as you grow, I want you to learn how to use your voice. Use it loud. And if a war like this one ever comes along again, shout if you have to.”* ~ Kenneth A. Prejean

Although Kelly Kemp didn’t personally know Lance Cpl. Noah M. Pier, when she heard of his recent death in Afghanistan, she was overcome with emotion.

"I sat on my floor and cried in the midst of all my father’s letters," she said. "But I’m grateful our nation has learned to love these heroes well."

Pier's passing reminded Kemp of her father's death. 

Now a mother of three and child life specialist at Levine Children’s Hospital in Charlotte,N.C., Kemp was Prejean’s infant.

The 41 year old has recently experienced a bond with her father that she never felt before, beginning four months ago with the discovery of a stack of unopened letters. Kemp calls them “letters from heaven leaving a godly legacy.”

But the legacy Prejean wrote about is not one Kemp has always known.

Silence 
“When I get home, please don’t ask me about Nam. It is an awful place, and I don’t want to remember it.” 

Growing up in New Orleans, La. in the 1970s, the subject of Kemp’s father was “off limits.”

“My mom buried her pain and tried to move on with life,” said Kemp. “But that meant this soldier was something that never could be discovered.”

A Family’s Love

“Take care of your mother. I want to be with both of you. I want to hold you in my arms. I want to smell baby instead of death.”  

Prejean and Witt-Perez met in Dec. 1967 and married the following spring--May 1, 1968.

Prejean was drafted shortly before the wedding and left for training in September. 

Due to be born in February, Kemp came prematurely on Dec. 29, 1968. Her father was given permission to leave training to see her. 

“I was still in the hospital, and he was there for a couple of hours,” she said.

One of Kemp’s most treasured photographs is of her father holding her.

Little did Prejean know he would never hold his baby girl again. 

Loneliness 
“I pray to God no other child must know the loneliness of life without a father.”

Kemp, now a devout Christian, uses a Bible verse from Joel 2:25 to describe much of her childhood: “the years the swarming locust ate.” 

Kemp’s mother re-married less than six month’s after Prejean’s death, and Kemp’s stepfather adopted her.

Although thankful for the loving relationship she maintains with her adopted dad, he and Witt-Perez divorced when she was nine. Kemp then experienced sexual abuse at the hands of her mother’s boyfriends and later turned to drugs and alcohol to numb the pain.

“I was living a very worldly lifestyle,” she said. “I was angry.”

Healing deferred

 “I can’t stand anymore of this killing, seeing death. All I want is to be with you.”

While Kemp was still steeped in drug and alcohol abuse, her maternal grandmother gave her a  treasured box of her father’s possessions--including hundreds of letters written to family members--when she was 21.

However, Kemp became overwhelmed when she began reading the letters.

“I probably read 15 or 20 total, and I put it all away,” she said. “It was so sad, and, at that point, my life was just sad.”

Hope 

“The ONLY thing that heals the scars of war is Jesus Christ.”

Another one of Kemp’s favorite Bible passages is Psalm 30:5: “Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.”

Joy finally came for Kemp 11 years ago. 

“When I was 30 years old, I attempted suicide,” she said.

The day Kemp was released from the hospital, she “received Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior.”

“That day life began for me,” she said. “God restored the years the locusts had eaten--with gladness and singing.”

Unending Legacy

“I long to watch you take your first steps...to see you off on your first date....to walk you down the aisle.”

Kemp doesn’t know why she didn’t re-open her dad’s box then, but she sees the timing as divine.

“I had to learn how precious I was in the eyes of the Lord before I couldn’t be torn apart by the loss of this man who thought I was so precious,” she said.

So four months ago, Kemp opened the box of her father’s belongings for the first time in 20 years. She noticed a stack of 10 unopened letters--separate from the ones she had read earlier--pushed to a corner. They were all addressed to her; she had never seen them before.

“They aren’t just letters filled with God’s love,” said Kemp. “It’s somebody who I never knew that I finally get to know.

“It’s amazing how God takes bitterness away before you discover things that could hurt,” Kemp continued. “When I finally read through every single letter, there was no bitterness. There are tears, but I no more question: ‘Why God did you take this man?’” 

Prejean’s last words to Kemp were written May 1, 1969, 7:06 p.m. Prejean died at 9:20 p.m.

“If I am not there: I don’t want you to yearn for me, your earthly father....I want you to look for HIM, your heavenly father. Because, my precious daughter, WHEN YOU FIND HIM, YOU WILL SEE ME. I will be there with Him, cheering you on, every step of the way. I will love you forever and a day. Pray for peace, Love daddy”

*All italicized quotations taken from Prejean’s letters to Witt-Perez and Kemp.

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Box Gardening

I’ve never considered myself to have a green thumb. I enjoy plants, but up until last summer, I didn’t imagine ever successfully growing anything.

But three years ago I became more committed to eating fresh, locally-grown and, as our budget allowed, organic produce. Well, my family’s budget is pretty tight. And growing our own produce started to look more inviting.

But we have a very small yard. In all honesty it’s more of a concrete slab with a few little sprigs of grass. Would it even be possible to grow our own food in such a tight space?

Check out the rest of this post at Modern Alternative Mama

Why I'm NOT an Extreme "Couponer"

I confess: I am not an extreme “couponer.”

I had aspirations of trying my hand at couponing sometime this year, but I haven’t made it too far.

It seems extreme couponing is the talk of the town these days. There’s TLC’s “Extreme Couponing,” and I even wrote a story about a former Mooresville resident has been featured on that show.

Some women literally spend hours on end scouring the newspapers and Internet for coupons. I applaud these women. It’s a creative way to help stretch a family’s budget in tough economic times. They see couponing as their full or part-time jobs.

But what works for one person doesn’t work for everybody. Each mom has to find ways to save money that works for her family – whether it’s clipping coupons, cutting hair or in my case, writing stories.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I love saving money. My college roommates jokingly said “Laura Lynn” was my friend because it was the name of a local grocery store’s generic brand – and it was all I bought at the time.

But right now, my family’s money-saving strategy has more to do with cutting cable than clipping coupons.

The danger with couponing is that it can become an addiction, and people will buy stuff just because they have a coupon – not because they really need it. I don’t want to take couponing that far.

As I’ve dipped my feet into motherhood the past few years, a lot of my priorities have changed. Nutrition is one of them.

I have no doubts you can save massive amounts of money by couponing. But is it worth it if you do it at the expense of the health of your family?

Let me explain. When I first moved back to Mooresville, I was thrilled to find out that a couple of grocery stores regularly double and triple coupons. When local friends updated their

Facebook statuses with sentences like, “I just spent $2 on $200 worth of groceries at Harris Teeter,” I was more than ready to jump on the bandwagon.

I started collecting coupons and even planned my store trips by scouring prices on websites and tailoring my list to match my coupon collection.

And it worked. On paper it looked like I “saved” money, but I really just came home with a bunch of processed foods that sat in my pantry for months.

You see, it’s easy to find a plethora of coupons for pre-packaged, prepared and processed foods that contain lots of additives like high fructose corn syrup, red40 and MSG.

But coupons for whole, healthy foods – like produce and meat – are hard to find.

If I find coupons for foods my family eats, I use them. But I’ve decided not to coupon on something we normally don’t use just to get things cheaply or for free.

I recently stumbled upon SavingNaturally, a blog dedicated solely to coupons for healthier items, like yogurt or organic cereal. I receive their daily emails, which saves me time from having to scour individual sites for deals.

I also opt to shop at discount stores like Aldi, Big Lots and Ollie’s as a way to save on my grocery budget.

Household items are different altogether. Since I’ve decided that coupons for food items aren’t my cup of tea, I’ve made it a goal to at least try using more coupons for things like toothpaste and toilet paper.

My husband bought me a coupon organizer for Christmas. It’s cute, but it’s not chock full of coupons. Is it possible for me to use coupons on healthy foods and household items without taking it to the extreme?

I welcome your suggestions.

*This column first appeared in the May 12, 2011 edition of the Mooresville Weekly.

Mary Lindsey's Chocolate Cake

While I enjoy all my mommy friends, I’ve never been one to JUST hang around those in my same stage of life. I’ve been blessed with friends in all seasons, and I especially welcome the warmth and wisdom from mothers who have already walked this path of motherhood.

Mary Lindsey is one of those women for me. She’s 75, and we’ve been friends for 10 years. The summer I was 20 I interned in Atlanta. I rented a house by myself, and Mary and her husband, Jerry, were my next-door neighbors.

Up until that point, my independent living was, well, not so independent. I had completed two years of college, but I lived in the dorms and ate every day in the university cafeteria. Cooking and cleaning were not part of my daily routine.

Then I found myself living in a 5-bedroom house—alone—for an entire summer.

And Mary came to my rescue. She cooked me yummy Southern fare, and she marched over to my house when she smelled gas and knew I had somehow miss-lit the gas burner and was surely about to burn my kitchen down.

When I was tired after a hard day’s work, she and Jerry invited me in to play dominoes and watch the hit show of the day—“Who Wants to be a Millionaire.” They even let me stretch out on their couch with a “Who Wants to be a Millionaire” pillow under my head.

They once asked if I felt like I was spending my summer in a retirement home. “Nah,” I answered. I just enjoyed the company, and the Lindseys had many lessons to share.

“Pray for your future husband,” Mary would tell me. “Men can be pigs.”

“Keep writing,” she said after I read her the drafts to my stories. “Don’t give up on your dreams.”

And Jerry was there when I could’ve sworn someone had broken into my house. He marched over with his shotgun and went from room to room, closet to closet. When it turned out I had only seem the shadow of a car passing by, Mary and Jerry still prepared their guest room, so one really frightened 20 year old could spend the night.

Jerry unexpectedly passed away the next year. I attended the funeral. The next time I visited Mary wasn’t easy. I kept expecting Jerry to walk around the corner and crack a joke.

But he didn’t.

A few years later Mary came to my wedding, and I’ve made sure she’s met both of my girls while they were still infants.

“I love Mrs. Mary,” Emma will say.

Even at 75 she still gets down in the floor to play.

And, without a doubt, I know whenever I visit she’ll always have ready her chocolate cake. It’s the best chocolate cake I’ve ever tasted. And every time I visit I ask her for the recipe again.

I saw her two weeks ago. This time I saved the recipe, and I couldn’t help but pass this delicacy along to other mamas. May Mary’s warmth and wisdom be found in each moist morsel.

Mary Lindsey’s Chocolate Sheath Cake

Cake

1 cup water

2 sticks butter

4 Tbsp. cocoa

2 cups sugar

2 cups plain flour

1 tsp. baking soda

2 eggs, slightly beaten

½ cup buttermilk

1 tsp. vanilla

-Place water, butter and cocoa in a saucepan and bring to a boil.

-In a mixing bowl, combine sugar, flour and baking soda, mixing well.

-Pour first mixture into second mixture.

-After mixing well, add eggs, buttermilk and vanilla.

-Mix well and spread in oblong Pyrex dish.

-Bake at 350 for 25-45 minutes (I bake mine 25 minutes).

Icing

1 stick butter

6 Tbsp. milk

3 Tbsp. cocoa

1 box powdered sugar

1 tsp. vanilla

1 cup pecans, chopped

-About 5 minutes before cake is done, melt butter in a pan.

-Add sweet milk and cocoa and bring to a boil.

-Remove from heat and pour over powdered sugar, vanilla and pecans.

-Beat well and pour over cake while cake is still hot.

-Let cool before cutting into squares.

It’s super yummy served with vanilla ice cream! Enjoy! 


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*This post first appeared on May 11, 2011 at www.lakenormanmommies.blogspot.com. 

Avoiding Meltdowns at the Grocery Store

Image by ckforjc

Have you ever seen a mom struggling on the way into the grocery store?

Perhaps she’s trying to transport an infant in one of those hefty baby carriers while holding her toddler’s hand and making sure she doesn’t drop anything or get them all hit by a car.

Maybe you’ve witnessed her breathe a sigh of relief after wiping down all the grocery cart surfaces with sanitizing wipes and successfully securing her children into their seats.

Then you’ve seen her face turn red in embarrassment when her toddler started throwing a tantrum because she wouldn’t open the package of cookies sitting at the toddler’s eye-level on the shelf.

And then you’ve seen her cave. She glances around to see if anyone else is looking, winks at you, opens that package of cookies, whispers “shhhh” and gives one to her crying child.

If you’ve seen this woman around town, it’s probably been me.

In my pre-mommy days, I would’ve looked at a mother like myself and thought: My child will never act like that in public.

Yeah, right. Any mother of little ones will tell you (if she is truthful), it happens to all of us.

Grocery shopping has honestly been one of my biggest challenges since adding two children to our home. I admit that I told my husband when I was pregnant that he shouldn’t expect me to ever go shopping with both girls alone.

I just didn’t think I could do it.

But waiting until my husband came home from work at night or doing all the shopping on the weekends just didn’t fit in with my schedule.

So, when my baby was a few months old, I decided to risk it one day. I actually did it on a whim. “Hey, maybe I can do this,” I thought.

Once inside, I realized it was a little too close to lunch and naptime for my toddler, and she promptly proved she was not in the mood to grocery shop. She had a major meltdown, and yes, I appeased her with a cookie.

When she continued to cry for a second cookie after the first was gone, I completely ignored her. Yes, that was me glancing at the marked-down meats as if nothing were wrong while my toddler screamed at the top of her lungs.

Things have since gotten better. Here’s what I’ve learned:

• Never go to the store around a mealtime or naptime. It’s a given that your child will want to eat everything on the shelves and will have a meltdown at some point during the trip.

• Take a snack with you. Eating food before paying for it is a desperate measure. Most stores don’t seem to mind if you bring in a small snack and a sippy cup for your child.

• Search for a parking space close to the door or cart return. It’s a lot easier to immediately put your kids in the cart this way.

• If possible, avoid the bakery and candy aisle. What toddler wouldn’t get upset when you stroll by sweets and tell them they can’t have them? Hey, I get excited, too, when I see Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups within arm’s reach, but I have the self-control to resist. Most children are still learning that discipline. Why not avoid the temptation altogether?

• Take advantage of in-store samples and free cookies at the bakery. Just don’t take more than one!

• Accept help. I’ve never been one to let an attendant wheel my cart to my car, but I’ve learned it helps … especially when I have one cartload of food and another cart holding the girls by the end of the trip.

*This column first appeared in the April 25 edition of the Mooresville Weekly.

I'm linking up with: We are THAT Family 

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