When You Just Plain Can't...

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By Christy of The Simple Homemaker, Contributing Writer
 
It's fairly safe to assume that if you're human, you've hit a wall at some point (or several  points) in your life. 

Perhaps you've just been handed the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back and can't do one tiny thing more than you're already doing. Maybe you've just experienced a life change that requires time for adjustment. Possibly, you're simply tired.  

I've hit that point a number of times. One of my
children was born with a congenital birth defect requiring surgery during the same time period that we lost my father-in-law and a young friend.

After the birth of another child, I was plunged into paralyzing anxiety which still plagues me from time to time.

Most recently, my firstborn was hospitalized for a few weeks and diagnosed with a lifelong auto-immune disease shortly after we learned we were expecting baby number seven. We were sent home with a very ill child in a lot of pain, who had a long, uncertain road ahead of her. 

It was, simply put, too much. I know you have your own stories as well.

It isn't only negative situations that overwhelm.

Perhaps you're planning a vacation, preparing for a graduation, expecting a baby,  moving, or realizing you have said “yes” a few too many times to a few too many people.

Maybe guests are coming, you have a houseful of little ones still needing mama's constant help, or you're struggling to learn a new job or homemaking skills. 

I'm sure you've been there. Perhaps you're there right now.

When a season in life is weighing heavy, I have a few thoughts to share which may help.
 

1. Let go of the unnecessary. If it isn't crucial to the well-being of your family right now, release it. This might mean some hard choices, such as giving up projects you love (for me, that was sewing), sports, lessons, extra social activities, trips. If it gives you peace, you will be blessing your family. Before we began traveling for a living, we made a 4000-mile road trip every summer to visit family, most of whom can't visit us. Twice it was more than we could handle on many levels. As difficult as it was to not see family those years, we had to let that go. 
2. Compromise. Are you too overwhelmed to keep up on cloth diapers? Go disposable for a time...or forever. Is making your own bread too much to handle right now? Find the best store-bought bread your budget can handle and eat that for a while. I build my own curriculum as a homeschooler, but one year life knocked me off my feet. I bought “school in a box” and took the year off. The following year I was back on my homeschooling feet and went my own way again feeling refreshed. 
3.  Say, “no.” It is often difficult to say “no,” and even more difficult to say “no longer” when you are already involved in something. When I had four small children, I was leading a women's Bible study, a Mom's Club, and a children's choir, all an hour from home. I stepped away from one activity at a time, until I was no longer involved in any of them. Did I miss them? Some, but my family loved having more of me, and I enjoyed having an empty calendar and being better able to focus on my family. In short, I was relieved, and my absence gave others the opportunity to step up and serve with their gifts. 
4. Take a break. Sometimes you have to completely let go for a time. We travel the country for my husband's full-time music mission. We recently had  a five-day break at home between tours. Because we came home to several minor disasters, school was canceled for the week while we worked to get our circumstances back under control. Similarly, while our family was split between the Ronald McDonald Charity House and the hospital while my eldest was hospitalized last year, school was put on the back burner.  
5. Release the guilt. If you let things go for a time and replace the obligation with guilt, you are not improving your situation. Commend yourself for focusing on what is necessary, and forget about the rest. 
6. Share the burden and blessing. If you are not training your children to work beside you, you are doing both yourself and them a disservice. So what if the towels aren't folded the way you want, nothing above four feet is dusted, or the toilet paper roll is put on the wrong way—okay, maybe that last one can't be overlooked. Learning to serve others and become adept at life skills is vital, and what better place for your children to learn that than at your side, sharing some of your load in the process. 
7. Ask for help. It may just be that God has allowed your situation to give someone else an opportunity to step forward and serve you and Him in the process. Accept help when it is offered. Even better, ask for help. Call your church, call your mom, call your neighbors and say, “Help! Please!” Most people feel blessed to be able to help others.  
8. Don't be a control freak. Whenever I feel like my life is spiraling out of control, I remind myself that I was never in control to begin with. By truly leaning on God and trusting His sovereignty, I can release myself from the worry, anxiety, and guilt that often come with not being able to do it all.

Whether you are feeling overwhelmed by current circumstances that will pass in time, or you are adjusting to a new normal, take steps to lighten your load and find peace, both for your own well-being and for the sake of your family.

How do you deal with the overwhelming seasons in life?

Christy writes about simplifying life at The Simple Homemaker. Once weighed down by unrealistic expectations and life's overwhelming demands, Christy has learned to throw off the complications of life and find joy in the little things.  Christy and her contemporary Christian musician husband, Stephen Bautista, homeschool their 7 children, ages brand new to 15.  The family tours the country for the music mission and works together on a home business.

Other posts from Christy:

How to Achieve a Natural Birth in a Hospital Setting
Adopting a Corn-Free Diet
Making New Year's Eve Celebrations Meaningful

Calling all Guest Posters!

With less than 8 weeks until Baby's EDD, I'm accepting guest posters for my maternity leave. I'm looking for any posts on: real food recipes, natural living, natural parenting, ways to bless new moms, PP recovery (the natural way), thought-provoking posts on how God has taught you humility through homemaking, etc. Due date for all posts will be July 20. If interested, please email me your blog URL, a link to a writing sample and your proposed post topic to: thehumbledhomemaker at gmail dot com. Thank you! :)

I'm linking up with: The Better Mom, The Prairie Homestead, Far Above Rubies, Growing Home, Deep Roots at Home, Time-Warp Wife, Raising Homemakers, Women Living Well

 

Works for Me Wednesday 

Humbling Motherhood

Image by AD-Passion 

If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the past 19 months of “trying to become a better mother,” it’s that I can’t do it. At all. 

Have I learned to cook from scratch? Yes, for the most part (with the added challenge of an egg, gluten and dairy-free diet for my daughter). 

Have I succeeded in going green (er) by using cloth diapers and homemade natural cleaning products? Yes. 

Have I made it through the huge transition from one to two kids while keeping sane? Well--that's up for debate. ;)

Image by Sellers Patton

But what have I learned most of all? There are some things I just can’t do. There are some areas where I fail every day--and probably will continue to fail at if I only tap into my own meager strength. 

And realizing that has been freeing. It brings me to my knees. 

It causes me to surrender all my own aspirations for motherhood or anything else--and give them to God, the only One who can take all my failed attempts at bettering myself as a mother and create something beautiful.

Image by Ryk Neethling

Motherhood is humbling. Really, it’s been the most humbling role I’ve ever “played.” 

Growing up, I pretty much succeeded at everything I tried. Academics? A shoe in. And how my heart swelled with pride to deliver that high school valedictorian speech nearly 13 years ago and wear the “Most Outstanding Female Graduate” medal at my college graduation in 2003.

I knew which areas to avoid, like sports or anything that involved too much math or science. I could steer away from those and miss failure. 

Image by din!
And I sheltered myself in a bubble of the arts and human service: foreign language, writing and literature, theater, missionary work, public service. Anything that matched my gifts were fair game. If I stayed there, I was guaranteed success. 

And then, in June 2008, after that grueling 16 1/2-hour labor, I became a mom. I wept as I held that squirming, red-faced bundle of joy that came out of me. 

Truly, it still amazes me every time I have a conversation with my well-articulated almost 4 year old. “You know you used to lived in Mommy’s tummy, right?” I ask her. “Yes, Mommy, it was warm and cozy there.” And we laugh. 

And two years later--I birthed yet another precious baby girl. It was almost unfathomable. Here I was--still floundering in what in the world I was doing with a toddler, and God granted me another of life’s most amazing blessings--a second daughter. 

And here I sit today--about 10 weeks away from meeting my third baby girl. As she kicks and punches my ever-growing belly, I imagine what she looks like, what we will name her, and how fun life will be with three--might I assume redheaded--little girls. 

At the same time, I battle fear. 

I look at my few successes in motherhood, but it’s hard not to dwell on my failures... 

My preschooler who still wets her pants--nearly every single day. Potty training? Yeah--it’s been extremely humbling. 

The ever-growing laundry mountain that I just can’t seem to tame. 

The fact that, sometimes, my kids eat rice cakes for breakfast because I just get weary of coming up with an egg/gluten/dairy-free meal day after day. 

Sometimes my arms ache from cleaning up the poop and vomit and the blood--not to mention spilled cereal or water. 

And it’s in those moments that I can choose to dwell on how poorly I do in this job. Or, I can thank God for humbling me. From a person who excelled at everything she tried to a mother who has realized that I just can’t do this job well--not on my own at least. 

It’s then that I knock down my pride and my heart cries, “God, help me. I can’t do this without you.”

And, as always, He does just that. And I’m thankful that He’s using motherhood to refine me. To teach me that when we are humbled, He will lift us up.

*This post first appeared as a column in the Mooresville Weekly newspaper. I have linked to several of my bi-monthly newspaper columns throughout this post. In fact, this blog started out as a place for me to keep my columns...before I officially launched almost 1 year ago!

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I'm linking up with: Growing Home, Far Above Rubies, Time-Warp Wife and Raising Homemakers, Deep Roots at Home, The Better Mom, Women Living Well

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She Took a Tiny Spark in Me and Fanned it into a Fiery Passion...

Image by redcargurl

Pen poised to paper...I sat in the hard, wooden desk and wrote. Anything and nothing...and soon it became everything to me. 

Freewriting. She instructed us to liberally write whatever came to mind. It didn’t matter if we wrote about our worst wounds or the smudged stain on the carpet. As long as we wrote. For we were becoming writers. 

And I wrote. Back before the days of ipad tablets or even laptops in every college classroom, I gripped my blue Bic pen until my fingers cramped. 

And what started with: “I don’t know what to write. It’s a beautiful spring day outside, and shouldn’t I be enjoying it?” turned into a record of my purest passions, my deepest pains, my most vivid childhood memories and what bothered me the most about this rotting-away world. 

And unlike many college professors who stood aloof at the front of their rooms as they worked on dissertations of their own, she paced the floors and looked over our shoulders--curious to know more of our scribbles, eager to lend a word of encouragement and passionately wanting to see us wield those jotted words into masterpieces of prose. 

Image by redspotted

“Don’t tell. Show,” she said. “Intersperse short sentences with long ones. Employ strong action verbs. Exercise caution when using adjectives.”

And my 21-year-old ears tuned to her ever-present wisdom. She--she who stood short in stature but strong in character. She who balanced friendly teacher with fierce constructive criticism. She who embodied both seriousness and humor, femininity and security. 

Truth be told, she frightened me a bit. But it was a fright wrought with the deepest respect and admiration. 

Long before the late-night feedings that painted dark circles under my eyes and two and a half pregnancies etched evidence on my belly, she help shape me. 

So instead of “telling” the memories from my Grandpa Amos’s farm, I showed the winding drive and the musty cellar that we hovered in during springtime storms. 

Image by clickit07

And with strong action verbs, I lamented the travesties of Christian college students addicted to pornography. 

And, perhaps most passionately of all, under her tutelage I wove a tapestry of long and short sentences to help heal the hurts of my mother’s cancer. 

Ovarian. We discovered that semester it had returned. And that pen and that paper and that wonderfully wise professor created some comfort when my bubble-of-a-world began to burst. 

********************************************


And when, six weeks ago, I heard of her cancer, I wept. 

Ovarian. 

Perhaps she would make it. Perhaps she would pull through--as my Mama had. 

In her last days I prayed, and I thought back to the class where I sat, pen poised to paper and wrote of my Mama. I wrote of the ugliness of cancer. And I wrote of the beauty of what God taught me through that trial. 

And when Dr. Price passed a few weeks ago, I cried for her family, for her friends, for her co-workers and even for her current students. Up until very close to her death, she continued to teach future writers at Gardner-Webb University. 

I thanked God for my short time with her. Ten years ago exactly. 

One spring semester. 

She took a tiny spark that began in me before I could read and fanned it into a fiery passion. 

If it weren’t for her, I may not be the writer I am today. 

This blog would not be. 

And, for her, I am eternally grateful. 

*This column first appeared in the April 6 issue of The Mooresville Weekly. 

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When Sickness Keeps You Home

Image by Ambrose Little

This was me this weekend. Ok, so the lady in the pic is not literally me, but this is pretty much how I spent my weekend--including Easter Sunday. 


Just over two weeks ago, both my girls came down with the nasty Norovirus--a really powerful stomach bug. Their symptoms lasted for a full week. Then, they were symptom-free for a week. Then, on Friday, it hit me and Toddler Girl hard. 

Image by mollypop

We were disappointed not to spend Easter Sunday with our church family. In fact, after being up most of the night on Saturday (including my hubby, who took care of us and even rubbed homemade thieves oil on my feet), we slept most of Easter day away. Oh, and we let Little Girl watch the Veggie Tales Easter movie. 


Easter "dinner" (or our version of The Lord's supper?) consisted of saltine crackers and pedialyte. 


But despite my disappointment, I tried to keep things in perspective. I wrote this as my Facebook status: "No egg hunt, Easter baskets, Easter dresses, Easter lunch or worship with our fellow believers this year--but we have Christ the Risen Savior & that's all that matters anyway! Hallelujah--what a Savior!"

Image by S. Reachers

Yes...what a Savior I serve...who gives me grace even when I can't make it to church to worship Him on this most celebratory day. 


A friend referred me to a blog post she had written in 2008, under similar circumstances. Her kids had had chickenpox and all kind of other sicknesses, and she was staying at home with them once again on a Sunday morning--that Sunday being Easter. This quote really hit home:

Image by albemar78

"I forgot to dye eggs or go over any symbolic meaning with the kids. I stayed up almost the entire night before with a sick and uncomfortable babe, and so I was a little fuzzy. We didn't have ham or taters, and all the family didn't make it to church. But being together and waking up to children's delight and reflecting on the hope we have in Christ....well, it was a spiritual experience indeed."


Read the rest of Melanie's insightful post here. 


How was your Easter? In what ways did YOU experience God's grace? 


I'm linking up with: Growing Home, Far Above Rubies, Time-Warp Wife and Raising Homemakers, Deep Roots at Home, The Better Mom, Women Living Well

Everyday Opportunities: Meeting Someone Else's Need {a Thank You to Christian Mommy Blogger}

Image by hoboton 

Back in December, my netbook died. Right in the middle of trying to write, edit and format Real Food, Real Easy. Right in the middle of a tight blogging schedule (when I was contributing to three sites). Right in the middle of my virtual assistant job and freelance writing for the newspapers. It died. Kaput. 


Frustrated can't begin to describe how I felt. In fact, I even contemplated giving up blogging altogether. Sure, we do have a family computer (for which I'm greatly thankful!), but my husband often has to take it to work, and he also uses it for work when he comes home. 

Image as ralaenin

I vented my exasperation to some of my blogging buddies. Basically, I needed them to tell me that everything would be OK. Everything would work out. There was no reason to give up--not then, not now. 


The money for a new computer would come. In fact, my hubby and I were confident we'd have the funds with our tax return. But it was December...we needed it NOW. 

Image by gokoroko 

And God provided in such an amazing and gracious way! Nikki of Christian Mommy Blogger sent me an email one day: "I have a gift for you," she said. "A netbook--barely used." 


My jaw dropped. Nikki and I had been online friends for several months, but we have yet to meet in person--or even talk on the phone. She "knows" me online, but that is it. Yet she valued our friendship enough and trusted God enough to send me a netbook! 


Boy, was I ever grateful! I could not believe Nikki's generosity!

Image by domaz_dk 

The day for our tax return finally arrived last week. I'm typing now on my new computer! And now my hubby and I have decided to pass Nikki's computer along (with her permission, of course). 


Our church is taking a trip to Cuba next week, and Nikki's netbook will go with it--a gift to the church in Cuba. I pray it richly blesses its recipient as I have been blessed!


Nikki saw a need--and she met it. No questions asked. 


What needs have you seen around you lately? What do you have to meet those needs? Will you let God use you to meet someone else's need?


Please pay Nikki a visit at Christian Mommy Blogger--you will be blessed! She is starting a Frumps to Pump challenge today....why not join in??


I'm linking up with: Growing Home, Far Above Rubies, Time-Warp Wife and Raising Homemakers, Deep Roots at Home, The Better Mom, Women Living Well

Everyday Opportunities: Church Nursery Workers Extend Grace

Gluten is from the devil … at least with my child, I think it really may be.

That was my Facebook status one afternoon last week. The morning had been rough, to say the least.

It was Tuesday. The Sunday before had been the daddy-daughter dance at church. There were cupcakes. And who can tell a 3-year-old she can’t have a cupcake when all the other little girls are eating the delicious delicacies? Cupcakes are one of my little girl’s favorites.

A good parent of a gluten-free youngster would have sent a gluten-free cupcake. I forgot.

And Daddy … well, that night, Daddy looked into those big blue eyes begging for a cupcake, and he caved. How could he say no?

I did something even worse the next day. My little girl had her first dentist appointment. She did great. She hopped right up into the chair, leaned back and opened her mouth for a full cleaning with the hygienist.

She didn’t want a thing to do with the dentist himself, but I’d say it was a successful first trip. No cavities. That’s always a plus.


It was such a great visit that I decided to stop by the Healthy Home Market on the way home to buy my little girl a post-dentist treat. And what did I buy? Candy, of course – “healthy” candy, that is.

But I didn’t read the label on the bulk bin. It was a Valentine’s Day assortment of confections, including pink, red and white candy corn.

Candy corn contains gluten.

Oops. I didn’t even think about it until the next morning.

With the cupcake well into her system and the candy corn now fully consumed, we were in trouble.

By Tuesday morning, she was fully “glutened,” as another gluten-free mom friend of mine calls it.

Tuesday is Bible study day for me. I attend Morning Grace at Grace Covenant Church. They provide an excellent nursery for my girls. But my little girl didn’t want to go.

“No!!!!!” she screamed and threw her fists up in the air. “I don’t want to go!”

Mommy really wanted to go. Sometimes, that one hour is the only adult interaction I have all week. And I knew she would enjoy herself once she got there. So I persevered in getting us all ready to go.

When we arrived, things got worse. The cheery-faced greeters threw open the doors for us. “Good morning!” they said smiling.

My daughter grimaced at them. I reddened and didn’t dare look the greeters in the eyes.

“I don’t want to go!” my little girl screamed to the greeters. She tossed her backpack down on the sidewalk.

My husband said I should have scooped her up then and headed right back to the car to call it a day, but I really, really wanted to go.

So, I picked up her backpack, balanced my toddler on one hip and said, “Come on, we’re going.”

She followed and calmed for a few minutes, until we arrived at her class.

When we got to the door, she took off running in the opposite direction and screaming.

The nursery director had seen the wearied look on my face when I entered. She had been there when we discovered last year that gluten affects not only my daughter’s digestive system but also seriously alters her mood and behavior. She’s really a different person depending on what she eats.

“You go,” the nursery director told me. “This is your time. Your one-hour a week to just worship the Lord and be with other women. I’ll take care of getting her in her class.”

I went to the Bible study with a huge weight lifted. I knew she was in good hands, and I was thankful that someone gave me grace.

When I returned an hour later, they said she had done fine. Almost a week later, the gluten pretty much made it’s way through her system.

Not everyone may understand how certain foods can affect a child’s behavior, but even when they don’t, I’m thankful for grace.

*This column first appeared in the Mooresville Weekly newspaper.