When You Just Plain Can't...

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By Christy of The Simple Homemaker, Contributing Writer
 
It's fairly safe to assume that if you're human, you've hit a wall at some point (or several  points) in your life. 

Perhaps you've just been handed the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back and can't do one tiny thing more than you're already doing. Maybe you've just experienced a life change that requires time for adjustment. Possibly, you're simply tired.  

I've hit that point a number of times. One of my
children was born with a congenital birth defect requiring surgery during the same time period that we lost my father-in-law and a young friend.

After the birth of another child, I was plunged into paralyzing anxiety which still plagues me from time to time.

Most recently, my firstborn was hospitalized for a few weeks and diagnosed with a lifelong auto-immune disease shortly after we learned we were expecting baby number seven. We were sent home with a very ill child in a lot of pain, who had a long, uncertain road ahead of her. 

It was, simply put, too much. I know you have your own stories as well.

It isn't only negative situations that overwhelm.

Perhaps you're planning a vacation, preparing for a graduation, expecting a baby,  moving, or realizing you have said “yes” a few too many times to a few too many people.

Maybe guests are coming, you have a houseful of little ones still needing mama's constant help, or you're struggling to learn a new job or homemaking skills. 

I'm sure you've been there. Perhaps you're there right now.

When a season in life is weighing heavy, I have a few thoughts to share which may help.
 

1. Let go of the unnecessary. If it isn't crucial to the well-being of your family right now, release it. This might mean some hard choices, such as giving up projects you love (for me, that was sewing), sports, lessons, extra social activities, trips. If it gives you peace, you will be blessing your family. Before we began traveling for a living, we made a 4000-mile road trip every summer to visit family, most of whom can't visit us. Twice it was more than we could handle on many levels. As difficult as it was to not see family those years, we had to let that go. 
2. Compromise. Are you too overwhelmed to keep up on cloth diapers? Go disposable for a time...or forever. Is making your own bread too much to handle right now? Find the best store-bought bread your budget can handle and eat that for a while. I build my own curriculum as a homeschooler, but one year life knocked me off my feet. I bought “school in a box” and took the year off. The following year I was back on my homeschooling feet and went my own way again feeling refreshed. 
3.  Say, “no.” It is often difficult to say “no,” and even more difficult to say “no longer” when you are already involved in something. When I had four small children, I was leading a women's Bible study, a Mom's Club, and a children's choir, all an hour from home. I stepped away from one activity at a time, until I was no longer involved in any of them. Did I miss them? Some, but my family loved having more of me, and I enjoyed having an empty calendar and being better able to focus on my family. In short, I was relieved, and my absence gave others the opportunity to step up and serve with their gifts. 
4. Take a break. Sometimes you have to completely let go for a time. We travel the country for my husband's full-time music mission. We recently had  a five-day break at home between tours. Because we came home to several minor disasters, school was canceled for the week while we worked to get our circumstances back under control. Similarly, while our family was split between the Ronald McDonald Charity House and the hospital while my eldest was hospitalized last year, school was put on the back burner.  
5. Release the guilt. If you let things go for a time and replace the obligation with guilt, you are not improving your situation. Commend yourself for focusing on what is necessary, and forget about the rest. 
6. Share the burden and blessing. If you are not training your children to work beside you, you are doing both yourself and them a disservice. So what if the towels aren't folded the way you want, nothing above four feet is dusted, or the toilet paper roll is put on the wrong way—okay, maybe that last one can't be overlooked. Learning to serve others and become adept at life skills is vital, and what better place for your children to learn that than at your side, sharing some of your load in the process. 
7. Ask for help. It may just be that God has allowed your situation to give someone else an opportunity to step forward and serve you and Him in the process. Accept help when it is offered. Even better, ask for help. Call your church, call your mom, call your neighbors and say, “Help! Please!” Most people feel blessed to be able to help others.  
8. Don't be a control freak. Whenever I feel like my life is spiraling out of control, I remind myself that I was never in control to begin with. By truly leaning on God and trusting His sovereignty, I can release myself from the worry, anxiety, and guilt that often come with not being able to do it all.

Whether you are feeling overwhelmed by current circumstances that will pass in time, or you are adjusting to a new normal, take steps to lighten your load and find peace, both for your own well-being and for the sake of your family.

How do you deal with the overwhelming seasons in life?

Christy writes about simplifying life at The Simple Homemaker. Once weighed down by unrealistic expectations and life's overwhelming demands, Christy has learned to throw off the complications of life and find joy in the little things.  Christy and her contemporary Christian musician husband, Stephen Bautista, homeschool their 7 children, ages brand new to 15.  The family tours the country for the music mission and works together on a home business.

Other posts from Christy:

How to Achieve a Natural Birth in a Hospital Setting
Adopting a Corn-Free Diet
Making New Year's Eve Celebrations Meaningful

Calling all Guest Posters!

With less than 8 weeks until Baby's EDD, I'm accepting guest posters for my maternity leave. I'm looking for any posts on: real food recipes, natural living, natural parenting, ways to bless new moms, PP recovery (the natural way), thought-provoking posts on how God has taught you humility through homemaking, etc. Due date for all posts will be July 20. If interested, please email me your blog URL, a link to a writing sample and your proposed post topic to: thehumbledhomemaker at gmail dot com. Thank you! :)

I'm linking up with: The Better Mom, The Prairie Homestead, Far Above Rubies, Growing Home, Deep Roots at Home, Time-Warp Wife, Raising Homemakers, Women Living Well

 

Works for Me Wednesday 

Humbling Motherhood

Image by AD-Passion 

If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the past 19 months of “trying to become a better mother,” it’s that I can’t do it. At all. 

Have I learned to cook from scratch? Yes, for the most part (with the added challenge of an egg, gluten and dairy-free diet for my daughter). 

Have I succeeded in going green (er) by using cloth diapers and homemade natural cleaning products? Yes. 

Have I made it through the huge transition from one to two kids while keeping sane? Well--that's up for debate. ;)

Image by Sellers Patton

But what have I learned most of all? There are some things I just can’t do. There are some areas where I fail every day--and probably will continue to fail at if I only tap into my own meager strength. 

And realizing that has been freeing. It brings me to my knees. 

It causes me to surrender all my own aspirations for motherhood or anything else--and give them to God, the only One who can take all my failed attempts at bettering myself as a mother and create something beautiful.

Image by Ryk Neethling

Motherhood is humbling. Really, it’s been the most humbling role I’ve ever “played.” 

Growing up, I pretty much succeeded at everything I tried. Academics? A shoe in. And how my heart swelled with pride to deliver that high school valedictorian speech nearly 13 years ago and wear the “Most Outstanding Female Graduate” medal at my college graduation in 2003.

I knew which areas to avoid, like sports or anything that involved too much math or science. I could steer away from those and miss failure. 

Image by din!
And I sheltered myself in a bubble of the arts and human service: foreign language, writing and literature, theater, missionary work, public service. Anything that matched my gifts were fair game. If I stayed there, I was guaranteed success. 

And then, in June 2008, after that grueling 16 1/2-hour labor, I became a mom. I wept as I held that squirming, red-faced bundle of joy that came out of me. 

Truly, it still amazes me every time I have a conversation with my well-articulated almost 4 year old. “You know you used to lived in Mommy’s tummy, right?” I ask her. “Yes, Mommy, it was warm and cozy there.” And we laugh. 

And two years later--I birthed yet another precious baby girl. It was almost unfathomable. Here I was--still floundering in what in the world I was doing with a toddler, and God granted me another of life’s most amazing blessings--a second daughter. 

And here I sit today--about 10 weeks away from meeting my third baby girl. As she kicks and punches my ever-growing belly, I imagine what she looks like, what we will name her, and how fun life will be with three--might I assume redheaded--little girls. 

At the same time, I battle fear. 

I look at my few successes in motherhood, but it’s hard not to dwell on my failures... 

My preschooler who still wets her pants--nearly every single day. Potty training? Yeah--it’s been extremely humbling. 

The ever-growing laundry mountain that I just can’t seem to tame. 

The fact that, sometimes, my kids eat rice cakes for breakfast because I just get weary of coming up with an egg/gluten/dairy-free meal day after day. 

Sometimes my arms ache from cleaning up the poop and vomit and the blood--not to mention spilled cereal or water. 

And it’s in those moments that I can choose to dwell on how poorly I do in this job. Or, I can thank God for humbling me. From a person who excelled at everything she tried to a mother who has realized that I just can’t do this job well--not on my own at least. 

It’s then that I knock down my pride and my heart cries, “God, help me. I can’t do this without you.”

And, as always, He does just that. And I’m thankful that He’s using motherhood to refine me. To teach me that when we are humbled, He will lift us up.

*This post first appeared as a column in the Mooresville Weekly newspaper. I have linked to several of my bi-monthly newspaper columns throughout this post. In fact, this blog started out as a place for me to keep my columns...before I officially launched almost 1 year ago!

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I'm linking up with: Growing Home, Far Above Rubies, Time-Warp Wife and Raising Homemakers, Deep Roots at Home, The Better Mom, Women Living Well

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Remembering the Missteps of Baby's First Year

My baby girl is nearly 19 months. Nineteen months! 

Each day, my sweet girl looks less like a baby and more like a toddler. While she used to sleep in my arms for hours, she rarely sits still long enough now for me to hold her. She comes up with new words every day, and she loves chasing her big sister around the house.

Going from one child to two has been wonderful--and hard. It takes twice as long to go anywhere. And now I have two little girls vying for my undivided attention.

I recently took some time to reflect on mistakes I made in parenting the second time around. I hope I remember these when baby girl #3 arrives in August.

• I didn’t get her used to a bottle, so my husband and I went nearly a year without a date. I’m a breastfeeding advocate, but I could have pumped milk. After working (and thus pumping) full-time with our firstborn, I had no desire to do so. I should have risen above that to give my husband and me more time together.

• I didn’t follow any kind of schedule with my baby. With my firstborn, I followed a strict schedule since I was working and needed her to cooperate for the babysitter. For my second, I held her most of the day, especially during her naps, until she was eight or nine months old. While I would never give up those cuddle times, not having her on a schedule as an older baby cut into time with my firstborn and my husband.

• I didn’t spend enough individual time with my oldest child. My firstborn was 28 months when the baby was born. She went through a period of jealousy and acting out that may have been prevented if I had been more intentional about one-on-one time with her.

• I didn’t rest enough. I jumped right back into writing when my baby was only three weeks old. I also continued attending two Bible studies per week, volunteered at Mother’s Morning Out and started blogging soon after. By late summer, I burned out.

• I took my baby out too much as a newborn. Whereas my oldest was born in June and has rarely ever been sick, my second was born in October – right at the beginning of flu season. While she didn’t catch the flu, she had multiple ear infections, bronchiolitis and croup during her first year. She also has already had pneumonia and the norovirus this year.

• I didn’t take care of myself. I pushed myself to take on more work and didn’t exercise. I also stopped taking many of my vitamins and supplements. Since I was breastfeeding, I believe not taking care of myself also affected my daughter’s health.

What are some mistakes you have made in parenting? (p.s. This list barely scratches the surface of mine!)


*This post first appeared as a column in the Mooresville Weekly newspaper.*

Lysol, Bleach and Keepin' It Real...

Get Modern Alternative Mama's Wholesome Comfort eCookbook for 25% off using code: HUMBLE25.

My hubby was armed with lysol in one hand and thieves oil in the other!

Here at The Humbled Homemaker, I like to keep things real. I'm not perfect. I've been humbled. I mess up all the time. I'm just.like.you!


And sure, I blog a lot about natural/green living--like using cloth diapers, making homemade cleaning products and how to live a more natural lifestyle. 


But do I ALWAYS live a 100% "green" lifestyle?


No. 

Me holding Toddler Girl

A few weeks ago is a prime example. My family suffered off and on for about 3 weeks from the awful, terrible, no-good norovirus. This virus is like the stomach virus of all stomach viruses. I previously had the misconception that stomach bugs only last 24 hours. 


Well, with this one, it just wasn't the case. 


And let me tell you, the norovirus is STRONG. It's like a super bug. Little Girl (age 3 1/2), my hubby and myself each had the main symptoms (I'll let you figure what those are on your own.) about 3 days, but Toddler Girl (18 months) kept getting re-infected. In fact, she got re-infected a total of 4 times!

The babies took a bleach bath. Sadly, one baby lost her head. ;) 

Come to find out, the norovirus is so strong that supposedly only bleach and lysol can kill it. Now, I didn't do in-depth research on this, so don't take my word for it. But by the third week of only using natural cleaning products, my hubby finally took a trip to Wal-Mart to get some bleach and lysol (yes, I just admitted that!). 


And once we pulled out these "big dogs," the virus settled down, and, finally, left our home. 


Now do I advocate using bleach and lysol any other time? Well, no, I don't. These two cleaning products are powerful--but they are laden with bad-for-you chemicals. We used masks and gloves to clean. And hubby did a ton more cleaning than I did since I'm preggo. 


Do I suggest using natural cleaning products first? Absolutely. We actually used the lysol and bleach in combination with thieves oil and oxygen bleach. 


Is this humbling to tell you? Well, sorta. But you need to know. You don't need a blogger who is going to pretend that everything is always perfect and green and natural in her home. 

We tried boiling the toothbrushes. They, um, didn't survive.

When, in reality, life happens. 


So, here's some grace for today. My name is Erin. I'm a humbled homemaker. I'm seeking to be a green and natural mama to the glory of God. And a few weeks ago, I used bleach and lysol. 


Have you ever "given in" and put away your natural cleaners to get rid of a virus?

I have included affiliate links in this post. I appreciate your support of The Humbled Homemaker! The money I make from this free site goes towards our grocery budget and educational savings for our children (after our 10% tithe to our church). 

Everyday Opportunities: "Mama" for a Day

Image by ckforjc 

His white-blond hair glistened in the sun and his sea-blue eyes danced when they saw me. The 2-year-old boy giggled as his grandmother pushed him in the swing.

I smiled at them both, pushing my 1-year-old on the swing beside him. We hadn’t been to this park much, but it was one of those rare 70-degree November afternoons, and I wanted to take advantage of such a nice day before fall fell into winter.

“Mama!” Those little eyes could have burned a hole in me. “I wuv (love) Mama!”

At first, I thought he must be meaning that I was my daughter’s “mama.” But he pointed a chubby finger right at me. “I wuv (love) you, Mama.”

His grandmother laughed. “That’s not your mama, silly! Your mama doesn’t live here!”

But he continued. Over and over again. He called me “Mama.” He told me he “loved me.”

I continued to push my daughter. His grandmother shook her head.

“His mama gave him up,” she said. “Three weeks ago. I had to drive nine hours to get him.”

My heart sunk. The boy missed his mama. How could he not? And here he saw another mama at the park with her two children – one just a little older and one just a little younger than he.

But it was what his grandmother said next that struck me the most.

“You look just like her,” she said. “You look just like his mama.”

So that was it. This blond-headed, blue-eyed boy is looking at this thrown-together, make-up-less redheaded blue-eyed mama thinking she is his.

To be honest, the next few seconds were slightly awkward. I must confess: I’m not a natural with little kids. Give me someone to interview and a story to write, and I’m in my comfort zone.

Tell me to comfort a child who’s not my own, and I’m at a loss. I don’t want to come across too strong. And I didn’t want to hurt him even more.

I continued pushing my baby, thinking: This poor child’s mother has abandoned him. And here I look just like her. And here I’m pushing another baby right here in front of him.

My 3-year-old decided to run to the other side of the park. I had to go. I couldn’t leave her alone. I waved goodbye to the grandmother and her sweet grandson.

Should I touch him? Should I say I love him back?

My inward battle ensued.

“I wuv (love) you, Mama!” he shouted.

I held my baby and watched my little girl slide down the slides, and up walked the grandmother and the boy. He continued to call me “mama.”

But we had an appointment.

I don’t want him to think he’s being abandoned … again. Oh God, what do I do?

I looked at the grandmother.

“It was nice to meet you today, ma’am,” I choked out. “I will … pray … for your grandson.”

And then I just did it. Awkward as I am around kids that aren’t my own, I did it. I walked right up to him. “I wuv (love) Mama!” he continued.

I threw my arms around him. “I love you, too. I’m SO glad I got to see you today.”

He smiled. To his knowledge, his mama had just hugged him and reciprocated his love. Part of me wished I had gotten the grandmother’s phone number.

Part of me is just praying his real mama will realize what she’s done and give him the love he so needs.

I crawled out of my comfort zone in a God-ordained day at the park.

This first appeared in my column in The Mooresville Weekly newspaper. 

I'm linking up with: Growing Home, Far Above Rubies, Time-Warp Wife and Raising Homemakers,  Deep Roots at Home, The Better Mom, Raising Mighty Arrows, Women Living Well, Homemaker's Cottage

Everyday Opportunities: Thyroid Disease...or Nothing at All?

I've been contemplating starting an occasional "Everyday Opportunity" post for a while now. It seems these opportunities to share Christ and encourage others are all around us...if we will only look. 

Image by Muffet

I saw her as soon as I walked in. And my first thoughts were: I feel so old. I'm surrounded by people in their 80s and 90s, and here I am just 31. 

I wasn't expecting a waiting room full of grandmothers at my endocrinologist's appointment. After all, since finding out about my thyroid issues, I've had plenty of people in their 30s and 40s tell me they suffer the same. 

But, last week, it was just me and...the nursing home. Or so it seemed. 

The day was drenched in rain and cold, and although the waited room was heated, I didn't bother to remove my knit cap covering my claw-clipped wet hair. 

Image by Carin

And I barely had time to take my seat among the elderly before they called my name. 

"And why are you here today?" the nurse asked. 

"I have a goiter," I explained. "And my midwife is concerned about my thyroid function since I'm pregnant."

Image by tkobosz

The nurse and doctor asked their usual questions, and the doctor then asked me to lie down on the bed, so she could examine my thyroid with an ultrasound. 

6 weeks of taking thyroid medicine for a goiter and "lowish" thyroid levels, and she gives me the news: "You do NOT have a goiter. Your thyroid looks...normal." 


Confused, I sit up. Normal? Then why did a doctor, a physician's assistant and a midwife all tell me I had a goiter? And this medicine I've been taking--could it have hurt the baby?

Image by d-s-n 

The doctor assured me that the medicine (Armor Thyroid, which is naturally derived from a pig's thyroid) would not hurt the baby. She also explained that although my thyroid looked normal in size, I did have some "patchy" areas, whereas, most of the time, the thyroid should look solid gray on an ultrasound. 


Because of these "patchy areas," the doctor ordered blood work to check for Hashimoto's disease, an autoimmune disorder that's a precursor to hypothyroidism.

Image by wolak 

When I left the lab that day, I ran into one of the elderly couples by the elevator. I had already placed my cap back on my head--all bundled up and ready to re-enter the cold. 


The man hesitated a bit and then asked me--"Are you taking chemo...too?"


I touched my cap and realized that, since my hair was up, it must look as if I had no hair. 

Image by juliaf 

I'm sure my cheeks reddened, and my heart broke for this couple simply looking for someone to empathize. 


"Oh, no," I said. "No, I'm just here for thyroid tests...and I'm pregnant. Are you going through chemo?"


The woman--who looked to be 90 but whose feminine style of dress and painted face told me she was a beauty in her day--pulled her own knitted cap from her head. 


"Yes," she nodded. "I have breast cancer."


My heart sunk. But then I realized that perhaps my mom's story could encourage this desperate couple. 

Image by Lisapizza 

"My mother has had cancer twice," I recounted. "Ovarian. And she went through chemo twice. And she's still alive. She was 46 the first time."


They smiled. I sensed hope. 


"I'm 67," the much-older-looking lady said. 


I hid my shock and knew...the cancer and chemo both had aged her. 


And then I felt the Lord prompting me to ask her name. 


Jody.


"Jody, I will pray for you. Take heart." 


And as I waved goodbye and exited the building into the blurry rain, my eyes blurred a bit as well. The doctor had just told me I quite possibly had nothing wrong with me at all--when 6 weeks before I could have been facing a cancer diagnosis myself. 


The doctor's office called me with the news this morning: I do not have Hashimoto's.


Will you join me in praying for Jody?


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